Come On Irene

I have bought all the 2x4s at Home Depot and Lowe's to board up my windows, hired a company to raise my house six feet off the ground, stocked my pantry with nothing but 100 loafs of bread and 50 jards of peanut butter, purchased 25 10-gallon water jugs, filled 20 gas cans with premium unleaded and cleared out every bag of gummi worms in the state

 so I say ...

Come on Irene too-loo rye-aye
Come on Irene too-loo rye-aye
Toora toora-too-loora

Now you have grown, now you have shown, oh Irene
Come on Irene, these things they are real and I know
how you feel
Now I must say more than ever
things round here have changed
Too-ra loo-ra too-ra loo-rye-aye

With this super, mega hurricane coming our way tomorrow I have almost come to the verge of evacuating the city. Unfortunately I filled so many gas cans for my house, the Circle K is now out of fuel and my truck has gone from F to passed the E and is almost to say see ya to the D on the fuel guage. I am also not sure where I could go because the waves are sure to swallow half the United States and I don't think I can get to the Mississippi river by tomorrow afternoon. They say this storm may claim more victims than Hurricane Shapiro recently did to the University of Miami.

HURRICANE SHAPIRO

I am afraid of going into shock with all of these natural disasters of late. In back-to-back days my home state of Colorado was rocked by an earthquake that could have put true meaning to the Continental Divide and split the state down the middle. It could have done two things: create a new Grand Canyon or give the U.S. 51 states. Of course most people out here in the East don't know Colorado is not just one big mountain that people ski on so the Rocky Mountains would have stayed Colorado and the rest would be called Western Kansas. The other huge earthquake was claimed to take place in Virginia but I think it was the effect of the entire U.S. trying to blast New Jersey into the Atlantic Ocean. The "earthquake" was also felt here in North Carolina by many. There are t-shirts for sale that say "I survived the 2011 Earthquake". The tremors moved Duke's four national championship banners just enough to make room for No. 5. I also heard the basketball team was awakened over in China from the tremors. It was either that or Georgetown fighting the housecleaning staff at the hotel. Maybe the entire thing wasn't an earthquake after all and was really the Graboids from the great Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward film "Tremors".

 
 I am sure these rash of natural disasters will bring up more talk of the apocalypse. Well with my stash of gummi worms I am ready to go with a smile on my face if that happens.